Tuesday, 5 October 2010

Auld Dark Reekie

“There’s something in hypocrisy after all. If we were as good as we seem, what would the world be? The city has it’s vizard on, and we – at night we are our naked selves.” - Robert Louis Stevenson, from his play: Deacon Brodie or, The Double Life.
ANYONE WHO lives in Edinburgh becomes familiar with the darkness inherent in the city. What may surprise even the longest resident is how influential the Capital’s past has been on the horror genre.
This influence has much more to do with city’s reputation as one of law, learning, politics and culture - “The Athens of the North”* - than the superstitious spookery of one of those ‘Haunted Edinburgh’ tours.

*      Edinburgh’s standing attracted many a prominent person in the 19th Century. In Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein, Victor (en route to the Orkneys to create a ‘bride’ for his monster) was taken by “the beauty and regularity of the new town of Edinburgh, its romantic castle and its environs, the most pleasant in the world”. Bram Stoker also stopped here on his way up to his regular holiday retreat of Cruden Bay on the North East coast of Aberdeenshire which is where he planned and wrote much of Dracula. The nearby Slains Castle is now generally agreed to have served as the model for Dracula’s residence.


Take the legendary Scottish cannibal Sawney Bean for example. Bean was supposedly born in East Lothian in the 16th Century, headed a clan of 48 members in South Ayrshire and was eventually captured, brought in chains to the Tollbooth Jail in Edinburgh and then hung, drawn and quartered without trial in Leith. It’s a great story – it’s just not true.


Edinburgh has had strong links with the English government for centuries now. While the Bean story was once assumed to be an invention of the English to slander the Scots it was almost certainly widely circulated to prejudice the Scottish populace against crofters.
At the time clan-leaders were required to provide bonds – payable in Edinburgh - for the conduct on anyone in their territory. This led them to think of themselves as landlords – and rather civilised, Edinburgh-based ones at that. When the agricultural revolution started in England these “landlords” began to seriously think about maximising “their” land’s potential. Fortunately, for them Edinburgh’s legal professionals were more than willing to draft new Scots laws to aid them in what eventually became known as the Lowland Clearances – an immediate precursor to the Highland ones.
Sawney was merely the bogeyman to preclude sympathy for crofters and their ilk - a longpig eating phantasm. It’s fitting that he supposedly died in Edinburgh because he was almost certainly born here – dreamed up in some politician or lawyer’s office and reported as fact in the press. He never existed but his myth lives on; Wes Craven used the story as the basis for his 1977 film The Hills Have Eyes which was remade in 2006 and spawned a sequel the following year. Good myths never die as long as the box-office takings are healthy.
Two villains, who definitely did exist, Irish labourers William Burke and William Hare, are even better-known than Bean but their real crimes far exceed their grisly reputations.  Commonly – and incorrectly – referred to as body snatchers, Burke and Hare never robbed a grave in their life, they were, that most modern of monsters, serial killers.
In the early 19th Century, Edinburgh University’s medical school was one of the most advanced in the world. As science progressed so did the demand for cadavers but the only bodies that could be legally used for experimentation were executed criminals. A sharp drop in capital punishment at the time meant that only a handful of corpses were available for study. Opportunity knocked for Burke in 1827 when he was living with his common-law-wife Helen MacDougal in a boarding house in Tanner’s Close in the West Port. One of Hare’s lodgers – an old army pensioner – died owing £4 in back rent. Seeking reparations the pair stole the body from its’ coffin before it could be buried and sold it to local anatomist, Dr Robert Knox, for £7 and 10 shillings.
Emboldened by selling  a dead tenant the pair then moved on to a sickly one, Joseph the Miller, who they got drunk on whiskey before Hare sat on his chest while Burke suffocated him – a m.o. so successful they went on to employ it regularly, it’s now known as “burking”. Since none of Hare’s other tenant’s looked particularly piqued the pair began luring pensioners, prostitutes and sundry other acquaintances in for a dram before killing them.
They claimed 17 lives before people began to get suspicious. Dr Knox’s reputation suffered – unsurprisingly – as people claimed he disfigured the victim’s faces before anatomy lessons to obscure their identities from his students. Finally apprehended in November 1828, Hare turned King’s evidence at the court’s invitation because of a lack of a rock solid case. Immune from prosecution he gave up the goods and Burke was hung in January the following year. A rather stylish wallet made from his skin is still on display at the Royal College of Surgeon’s in the Southside – a grim irony that even the makers of the Saw movies would be proud of.
Obviously, there’s no mitigating circumstances in Burke and Hare’s murders but it’s worth bearing in mind that they were simply filling a gap in the market and both Dr Knox and Edinburgh’s medical establishment have to shoulder some of the guilt. Whatever happened to “first do no harm”, eh?
Burke and Hare might have remained minor figures in local history if they had not captured the imagination of the young Robert Louis Stevenson. In 1881 – at the age of 31 – he wrote his first “crawler” (his own pet name for horror stories) The Body Snatcher. He initially shelved the tale “in justifiable disgust, the tale being horrid” but relented three years later when it was published in the Christmas 1884 edition of The Pall Mall Gazette.
It’s lucky that he did – the story of B&H has been filmed (badly) many times over the past decades. All of the films (including 1985’s The Doctor and the Devils – based on a screenplay by Dylan Thomas) lingering in well-deserved obscurity. The sole exception is Val Lewton’s 1945 production, The Body Snatcher – an adaptation of Stevenson’s tale. Boris Karloff is the grave robber while fellow old pro Bela Lugosi plays a dim-witted servant in this excellent movie which does a bang-up job of recreating 19th Century Edinburgh on Hollywood soundstages. Curiously, there are signs of life in the tale even now – American director John Landis (An American Werewolf In London) recently announced a “black comedy” version of Burke and Hare which is currently in pre-production. They didn’t call these guys “resurrectionists” for nothing.

The Riddle Of The Coffins: The Legacy of Burke and Hare
In 1836 a group of boys found 17 small wooden coffins, each containing a small figure, in a cave just below the summit of Arthur’s Seat. No-one knows who made them or why but the most likely theory is that they were put there in memory of the victims of Burke and Hare.  Amazingly, at the time, no-one made the connection. Taking a firm grasp of the wrong end of the stick, The Scotsman described the tomb as a “Satanic spelmanufactory” and speculated that a coven of “weird sisters” had “worked these spells of death by entombing the likenesses of those they wish to destroy”.
These coffins – which now belong to the Royal Museum of Scotland - partially inspired the 2001 Ian Rankin Rebus novel, The Falls. Each hand-carved figure was wrapped in a coloured cloth, Rankin noted: “one was in a green and white striped shroud – I like to think of it as a tribute to an early Hibs supporter.”

Stevenson, of course, is responsible for the most famous “fine bogey tale” to come out of Auld Reekie and, like the Body Snatcher, Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde is closely based on another of Edinburgh’s darker denizens.
William ‘Deacon’ Brodie (1741-1788) was an Edinburgh city councillor, respected cabinet maker and deacon (Scots word for chairman) of the trades guild – by day. By night, he was a thief, a gambler and had five children by two mistresses – who knew nothing of each other. Brodie used his day job – which gave him access to some of the richest homes and banks in Edinburgh - to make wax impressions of his customers’ keys. Brodie finally came a cropper when he organised an armed raid on an excise office in Chesser’s Court in the Canongate with two accomplices. One was captured and turned King’s evidence but Brodie had already escaped to the Netherlands. However, Brodie was captured brought back to Edinburgh and hung on (oh, the irony) a gallows that he had helped design and finance the construction of.
Brodie’s story is a real ripping yarn but, oddly, it’s only been filmed once – a 1997 BBC Scotland TV movie with Billy Connolly as Brodie. For some reason (Connolly’s limitations as an actor?) the makers opted to portray Brodie as a “lovable rogue” rather than a debauched hypocrite and gave their travesty of the tale a “happy” ending.
Without Brodie, there would be no Jekyll & Hyde. From the age of six Stevenson lived in Heriot Row in the new town. In his bedroom – where he spent much of his time due to illness – there was “a cabinet – and a very pretty piece of work it was too – from the hands of the original Deacon Brodie”. Stevenson’s nurse “wove – with her vivid Scottish imagination – many romances” (as Stevenson’s wife, Fanny, recalled) around the furniture for her nursling’s amusement. The effect, Stevenson claimed, was to give him lifelong nightmares, which is where his stories were born. “All I dreamed about Dr Jekyll was that one man was being pressed into a cabinet, when he swallowed a drug and changed into another being.”
Dr Jekyll’s potion (a device RLS dismissed as “so much hugger-mugger”) has always been in plentiful supply in Auld Reekie too. As a young man Stevenson was fascinated by the back streets and closes of the old town and the “dregs of humanity” he encountered. The hostelries there also gave him the opportunity to observe the appalling changes alcohol wrought on his close friend Walter Ferrier. If you want to meet any number of Edward Hydes, just take a walk down Lothian Road on a Friday night as the pubs are shutting – if you dare. It’s far, far scarier than any ghost tour in the city.
Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde can be interpreted any number of ways but Stephen King (who knows his stuff) wrote that it’s: “a close study of moral hypocrisy – its causes, its dangers, its damages to the spirit”.  And where did Stevenson witness this hypocrisy? Right here in Edinburgh, where the old and new towns co-existed like two sides of the same coin - where poverty and prostitutes proliferated under the watchful eyes (and occasional custom) of Procurator Fiscals and dodgy doctors.

Thursday, 30 September 2010

Inappropriate Halloween Costumes

HALLOWEEN – You’re not going out dressed like THAT?
 HEY KIDS! One, two, Freddy’s coming for you! Everyone’s favourite child murderer’s trademark stripy sweater opens up to expose his “chest of souls” that displays all the innocents he’s dragged to Hell. Nifty!
 More cultured tots may prefer the Hannibal Lecter like “Psycho Kid” costume or, if your neighbours are Daily Mail readers, terrify them as satanic doll Chucky – from the Child’s Play movies – a boogeyman who was blamed for all society’s ills way back in the 90s (kind of like single mothers nowadays).




Talking of single mums.... warn young babysitters about the evils of pre-marital sex by dressing up as the puritanical, maniacal Michael Myers from Halloween and watch the teenage pregnancy rate plummet (machete extra). Three, four, sleep no more...



RRRRRRR!

OH, this is a big bag of wrong!  A scantily-dressed young woman dressed as Batman’s ward just throws up a slew of troubling psycho-sexual issues that many of us are just unwilling to confront.


Who knew Catwoman was a S&M prostitute? Apart from the fact that you’ll be freezing in this outfit, you’re also likely to attract the attention of the local constabulary - and NOT because they suspect you of burglary. The whip isn’t included, sadly, but if you’re seriously considering wearing this, you’ve probably got one already. The Supergirl outfit is certainly fetching but any man wanting to dress up as the Man of Steel for some fantasy role-playing with his significant other should remember that she’s Superman’s cousin for Christ’s sakes...

Even Neil Jordan’s Freudian fairy-tale The Company of Wolves didn’t have anything as suggestive as this Red Riding Hood get up: “My, what big eyes you have?” - Are you at all surprised?
Bijou Boutique’s take on a “schoolgirl” outfit is utterly mystifying to anyone who’s ever been to school – or met a girl. The symbolism of the Apple handbag is not lost on us, however.


IT’S ALIVE! Actually this remarkable mutant baby puppet isn’t inappropriate at all – unless you’re visiting an expectant mother - it’s awesome. An uncannily accurate replica of the monster from Larry Cohen’s 1974 B-movie masterpiece, It’s Alive. £34.99 and it’s yours from escapade.co.uk. Apparently “the baby is realistic to look at and touch”. Ewwww!

Don’t Forget Rover!

AWWW! Kids love dressing up, dogs don’t, but that won’t deter any child from distressing their pup by wrestling with it for an hour or two until it looks sufficiently like Batdog (not a real character by the way).

This Headless Horseman accessory looks much more manageable (only $19.99 plus shipping from halloweenmart.com!) but could merely end up as a pricey chew-toy before its remnants are deposited on the pavement as part of a large “dog egg” the very next day. The magnificent, (obviously) homemade starship Enterprise is offered here as something for hobbyists to aspire to but don’t blame us if your best friend never, ever forgives you.





WRONG WRONG WRONG!
SO Farewell then King of Pop – if you are, in fact, dead and not just avoiding your creditors. Pay homage to Wacko in this taste-free 80s nightmare but don’t blame us if you end up on some kind of register.


And, lest we forget Prince Harry’s “youthful indiscretion” (it says here) - it’s never a good idea to dress up as a Nazi, particularly when your family is of German origin.

(All costumes (apart from the Nazi one, natch) from lets-have-a-party.co.uk, escapade.co.uk and halloweenmart.com)